Campus Chowdown Ep. 3- AFB Bar and Grill- Western Michigan University

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For the third installment of Campus Chowdown, we’re off the the Wild, Wild, Western Michigan University where we attempt to mount AFB Bar and Grill’s Bronco Challenge. Yee-haw.

Campus Chowdown Ep. 2- What Up Dawg? – Michigan State University

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In the second episode of Campus Chowdown, we return to East Lansing to face the Big Dawg Challenge (9 specialty hot dogs in 20 minutes). Will we be Top Dawg? Or go down as little wienies?

The Mystery of True Detective

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Between sleeping-in until noon, working nights, catching the flu from an eating contest for an episode of Campus Chowdown, and finally getting around to watching The Office (UK)—I haven’t had the time to check out True Detective, until this week (alright, alright, alright).  I saw all of the buzz it was generating on Twitter and was anxious to see if it was worth the hype.

From peoples Tweets I sort of understood what it was all about beforehand. My feed was practically drowning in piss-poor Yellow King memes and “jokes”, so going into it I knew there was some sort of mystery on who this “Yellow King” is.  I decided to make a night of the on-demand experience seeing how every episode garnered the Twitter attention of the Breaking Bad finale. I cleared all the plans I didn’t have, ordered pizza, hit the lights & lit candles to provide the optimal viewing experience. I was ready.  Within the first five-minutes, however, I was quite confused. They showed and referenced the Yellow King?! How was everybody wondering who he is the whole time when they blatantly said it within the first five minutes of the very first episode? As the episode progressed I grew more and more confused. Much of the plot was unexplained and dialogue referenced things that the viewer was supposed to know but had no way of knowing, nor ever explained.  The two detectives seemed to have a strange relationship and a lot of background that never was shown—I was completely lost. Thinking maybe I was too dazed during that episode, I decided to make a more cognitive effort to focus during the second.  I didn’t touch my phone, I was in the zone.  Yet, it still made no sense, what so ever. For the life of me I could not understand how the masses followed the show or enjoyed it because it made zero sense.

It took me three episodes…THREE EPISODES…to realize I was watching the show from end to finish, and now I can’t go back because I know how it ends.  I bought the book and went straight to the last page.  Here I was thinking everybody was an idiot for liking this show, when I was the fool. I bet I would have actually enjoyed it had I not dyslexicly viewed it.  Hopefully I’ll learn how to read by the time season two rolls around.

Campus Chowdown: Conrad’s East Lansing

For the first episode of our new food porn web series “Campus Chowdown“, my good friend Al Karsten and I head to our favorite East Lansing grub spot—Conrad’s Collegetown Grill—where we attempt to throw back 3 gigantic wraps each.  Check it out!

Jared & Cort’s Sports Report: Episode 1–NFL Divisional Playoffs

Jared & Cort’s Sports Report: Episode 1–NFL Divisional Playoffs

The inaugural episode of Jared & Cort’s Sports Report! A weekly Sports Talk Show from the unique perspective of Channel 9 and 10‘s SPORTS Director Jared Smith and myself. I slipped up and called him the News Director—but he is not, he’s the Sports Director (I had the jitters and was nervous! Let it go). The combination of Jared’s professional insight with my…witty banter we re-cap the last week in the Sports world, while forecasting the upcoming week. Our chemistry really comes through and shows. The things we say on the mic are no different than the conversations we have off of it.

In this weeks episode we break-down the epic Divisional Playoff battles from last weekend, and make our picks/predictions on the upcoming Conference Championship games.

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Squares in Circles: Gag Reel

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I put together a blooper reel from a short-film (Squares in CIrcles) I wrote/directed with some pals. Please pardon our French, we were having fun. Hopefully, I’ll get the full short-film up on here in the near future for your viewing pleasure (or disgust if you wanna be a d*** about it). It’s about a college-kid named Dylan (played by my friend and co-producer Al Karsten) who gets dumped flat on his face after his girlfriend’s father catches his inappropriate stand-up act. After the break-up he realizes he is completely alone and struggles to fit-in on campus, until he meets a stoner (played by yours truly) who seems to have it all going for him…but behind closed doors deals with some loneliness of his own. The video also features the very funny Dan Noble, who vomits hilarity in these bloopers (quite literally at parts, which—I apologize for ahead of time, but it had to make the cut). Finally, our beloved angel, AJ Hensen makes a cameo.

Hope you enjoy, stay tuned for the full 30-minute short.

Pranksta Rap

Making music is fun. Although, I admit I’m far from a “musician”, I’ve always enjoyed making “Pranksta Raps”. This is a funny number we made called That Guy (At The Party) and it’s about…that guy at that party.  We all have seen him (or her) doing outlandish things to bring themselves attention at the party. The song features John Eldon, Matt Elliott, and Joe, production/original beat by Nick Bognar; it’s from the perspective of those douchebags who don’t see a problem with their behavior. I just ordered a new microphone so I’m going to start making some more little jingles like this to share.  Enjoy.

South Park: Beyond the Farts

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They say watching too much TV will rot your brain.  Perhaps my brain has already rotted and turned to mush, but I have to disagree with this quote.  Yes, there is a lot of garbage on TV today that certainly does society no good (from Honey Boo Boo to Jersey Shore) but there is a program that’s been on TV a long time serving as a compactor for all the trash on TV–South Park.

I know what you’re thinking, South Park is trash.  It’s toilet humor. Offensive to Jews, Blacks, Christians, Asians, Whites, Hispanics, Mormons, Scientologists, Gays, Straights, Aliens, Goths, Obese, Homeless…I could keep this sarcastic, italicized list going but I think you get the point and/or have heard it before, and hopefully find it as laughable as I do.  Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone poke fun at EVERYBODY, and do a stellar job at it.  They accurately point out the flaws that exist inside all of us. They attack Conservatives and Liberals alike.  They are, in fact, equal opportunity offenders.  So, stop taking it so personally, softie.

It’s not my mission to talk about the criticisms of SP, though, I just had to say hi to the haters.  My thesis is that Matt and Trey are geniuses.  I don’t throw that word out there often, but that’s what they are.  They are in a small fraternity of modern comedy “geniuses” (in my personal opinion, no true list exists) along with: Larry David, Louis CK, Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais (many will disagree with this but look at his track record and what he’s done) and I’m going to conclude my list there.  To me, that list is today’s comedy geniuses.  I would even take it a step further, by saying they are the best writers in TV today (yes, I know Trey writes and all that but I will be using “they” because as they point out in 6 Days to Air, they are a team and one cannot thrive successfully without the other). They tackle taboo subjects that no other show dare go near, and truly make you think and reflect–whether it’s Honey Boo Boo, Amendment Rights, Presidential Elections, Concussions in Football, etc they hit the nail on the head with what is wrong with our society and pop culture.  Which leads me to say most of the shows critics, probably just don’t get the joke.

Vigilantism is illegal.  You cannot, legally, go out and protect the streets from bad guys and take matters into your own hands.  I saw with my own two eyes the masses take to Twitter to publicly proclaim what they would do to George Zimmerman if they saw him.  As much as we all wanted justice to be served, we could do nothing.  The Judicial System failed and we just have to live with it, right? Wrong.  It is not illegal to put Zimmerman to death on the electric chair on your TV show.  That is exactly what Matt and Trey did.  In a way, justice was served last Wednesday when South Park put Zimmerman in his place.

Another recent episode that I found to be very inspirational and accurate was their take on the “Bully” movie, in their Season 16 Episode, “Butterballs“. I don’t want to give away many spoilers, I’d rather you watch it for yourself.  It contains some of the best writing, both comically and in thought, that I’ve seen in a long, long time.  This quick clip shows the genius writing and point of view they have: http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/412207/night-grandma.  Smart, funny, and really connects with the audience.  In that same episode, Trey and Matt convey how they feel if a director/filmmaker truly feels that their product is a “must see” like “Bully” was, that it should be available for free–not something to make a profit out of.  No coincidence, this is how they feel about their own work.  All episodes can be viewed for free online at SouthParkStudios.com.

The next time you hear somebody talking about how South Park is nothing more than toilet humor, do what Cartman would do and “kick ’em square in the nuts”.

With Love and Laughter,

Cort Freeman

Help! I’m Becoming Larry David.

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(Editor’s Note: this is a satire piece and is not intended to be taken seriously. Just have to throw that out there)

I have always considered myself to be a “people person”.  There’s something beautiful about camaraderie and interacting that brings out one’s best.  However, having now gone through high school and graduated from college, I would now edit that label and consider myself to be a “people person (who hates people)”.  It’s so hard to be a people person when people suck so damn bad.  I can completely understand why dog–not man–is man’s best friend.  We are an annoying species.  An arrogant species.  An ignorant species.  If you are a “people person”, you, my friend, are a “liar”.  At a glance, you would think being a people person would be the easiest thing in the world–but, oh, how false that is.  If you can endure a 15 minute conversation pretending to care about how your friends son is doing in his tee-ball league, you deserve a purple heart, in my opinion.  To be social, you have to lie.  You have to go with the social norms society has set in place for us to interact.  When your phone rings, you have to answer it.  You have to talk with that person for long enough to hear what they have to say, or until it’s been enough time where you can utilize a planned excuse to get out of there without coming off as rude.  When you see somebody you know in public, you’re expected to be overjoyed to see them and catch-up, as if you were hoping to run into them while out and about running your errands. This interaction has been dubbed the “stop and chat”, and my dislike for it has led to a dark, sad epiphany…every day I am becoming more and more like Larry David.

When I first started watching Larry, in Curb Your Enthusiasm, I found it funny how much of an ass he was.  As I watched the show more and gained a better understanding of who he is, I began to idolize him.  He’s not an ass, he’s got it right.  The things he says are the things that we all think–but don’t have the guts to actually say.  We stick to our lines and what we’re supposed to say so we don’t upset the other person, while he just comes right out with it.  Who would whole-heartedly want to give one of their kidneys to a friend, when somebody else could do it?  Who doesn’t want to call out the sample-abuser while you’re waiting in line?  Who can honestly say they have never used the handicap stall in the bathroom?  I truly believe, our world would be a better place if we all lived by The Rules of Larry.

Around the same time, I began to identify and relate to another TV anti-hero–Karl Pilkington.  It genuinely upsets me that majority of my friends and acquaintances have no idea who Karl is.  Dubbed by good friend and co-worker, Ricky Gervais as “the funniest man alive” whom he goes on to describe as a “round headed buffoon”, Karl is quietly becoming a household name, to those who value good TV and laughs.  You may have seen him on The Ricky Gervais Show or An Idiot Abroad, speaking his mind and releasing the absurd thoughts stored in his globe-shaped head.  An Idiot Abroad follows Karl as he explores the world, sent by Gervais and partner Stephen Merchant.  Karl is the perfect person to send abroad because he’s no Anthony Bourdain.  He is miserable everywhere he goes.  He does not like leaving his comfort zone, knowing this Ricky and Stephen send him to places like India and the desert, where he is sure to hate it.  He doesn’t hide his displeasure, either–which I love.  When his hosts offer him food, he has no shame denying it and refusing to sample it–he’ll be just get by on the Crisps he brought along with him.  I gained a new respect for the humor of Ricky Gervais for the way he handles and exploits Karl, it truly is hilarious.  Ricky and Stephen know exactly how to press Karl’s buttons, which ultimately brings out the best of Karl.  Most of the conversations between the three mates is making fun of Karl for his absurd opinions, and as absurd as they may be…they actually make a lot of sense to me.  I can, in fact, see a lot of myself in Karl.  He has such grand insights into traveling.  In one interview, with Ricky and Stephen, he discusses how traveling is often best when you just close your eyes and imagine you’re doing it, because that way you get all the good, and none of the boring, draining, things you don’t think about when daydreaming about your trip.  While talking about one trip into the mountainous jungle to watch gorillas (something beautiful, that most of us would love to do) Karl gives a unique perspective, “I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla’s just sat there doing nowt”.  Another interesting quote Karl says to describe his feelings for travel: “Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain’t been back. It can’t have been that good”. Brilliant.  Karl brings that same insight to more than just traveling.  He, like Larry and I, has a lot of problems with the social aspect of life.  He describes it “People who live in a glass house have to answer the door”.  Sums Karl up in one sentence.  It seems so dumb to say, but it is genius!

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So, there’s that.  At 22 I have become a combination of Larry David and Karl Pilkington.  Can’t wait to see what’s next…

With Love and Laughter,

Cort

Sources:

http://www.pilkipedia.co.uk/wiki/index.php?title=Karl_Pilkington_Quotes_By_Topic

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/k/karl_pilkington.html

Blah Blah Blog.

I suppose I should start things off by introducing myself (hi, Cort Freeman) and thanking you for being bored enough that you decided to check out my site.  I welcome you to my private journal made public, a direct flight to my mind, video curation, and more.  It’s pretty much a storage bin for narcissism.  My last site/blog, Tainted Hero Comedy, was a lot of fun; however, I felt it was, like most blogs, too focused on criticism and negative feelings.  This go-round is going to be concentrated, instead, on expression.  I don’t want to call this a “blog” because of the negative stigma attached to blogs and bloggers (the blog-o-sphere is polluted with critics).  Instead of complaining and critiquing, I want to entertain, inform, and express.  Hence, I’ll be calling this a journal (I would say diary, but a journal is the same thing as a diary–only injected with testosterone).  

Twitter can be great for expressing humor and opinions, but it really constricts your thought process limiting yourself to 140 characters.  Always writing in short-term, I’m starting to realize, does indeed change the way you think.  Here, I can dive into subjects and get all of my thoughts out into the air.  I can be talk serious matters and be funny at the same time.  It’s a great medium to better understand the world and more importantly, myself.  So, thanks for stopping by and stay tuned for more posts/videos/laughs in my blog diary journal.